Hi friends 😀,
It’s the end of yet another month and I am so grateful that you continue to read on. Most of all, it is quite empowering to receive comments on this platform and calls or texts from some of the readers here, who of course know me personally to express how my words have inspired them. It not only motivates me but as much as my words have enhanced growth for you, they have done the same for me as well. So, a million thanks to all my readers!
Now, let’s get right onto reflecting on February!
If you have read my previous articles you will remember that I have made known my sentiments attached to the month of February and that I have undertaken this journey to try to realign myself on a meaningful path that not only I would be proud of but one God would also approve of. I have neglected my spirituality especially my relationship with God because I was so consumed with trivialities that honestly brought me nothing but pain and I lost my self-worth in the process. So, upon realizing that, I made a change for my life, for self mostly because believe you me, my soul was so empty and I honestly felt invalid. Anyway, I decided it’s 2020, a new decade and for me, it symbolized a year of clear vision so why not redefine everything in my life and start over. The last decade was extremely hard coupled with failures and successes but unfortunately, it was more loss than anything gained. However, I carry no regret whatsoever but I don’t know, I chose to take quite a positive stance on things to actually just look at everything else that has happened in the past as nothing but lessons which have contributed to some part of my becoming and I believe empower me to be way more than what I had once been.
God has been gracious my dear friends. He gave me the grace to redefine February to what I want it to mean for my life. In the past it has always been a bittersweet month for me, however, I decided that I could not take that anymore. So February 2020, has been quite reflective and I would like to think of it as “Forgiveness February”. If you read last week’s article you will understand why. I thought I had let go but turns out my heart was still riddled with anger, hate, pain and I had not been honest with my forgiveness. Turns out I had just done/said it to get it out of the way and trick my brain into believing that I had completely let go and wished all the people who had hurt me well when in fact I wished nothing but horrible things for them. I had been carrying this burden for years, which is why I think regardless of the actions I took towards “forgiving”, each February of each year still remained hard. So, I decided to open my spiritual ears again and listen to what God wanted me to do because He had been trying to get me to address the issue of forgiveness for a while now but I didn’t want to listen- I was not ready! And besides, I thought I had done it already. In any case, it turned out I had not been completely honest about it, which is why God wanted me to address it and He used His vessels to get His message through. Once I heard what the Spirit of God needed me to hear, it was then that I was able to let it all out- my pain, anger, resentment and He was gracious enough to give me the will as well as strength to completely forgive, let go and provide me with the healing I very much needed.
I am excited at what the months to come will bring but I am just so glad that the burden I have been carrying for years has been offloaded. This month of February, I became conscious of the fact that I lacked joy in my life, but the thing is when you are consumed with sadness, hurt, and anger, all you want to do is blame others for it. Well, of course sometimes there’s someone involved in all of it but I have learned that though we cannot control what others say or do to us; we can, however, control how we respond to them. That said, I realized that these negative emotions I carried were an expression of my failure to control my response to all that had happened to me, that in fact, I had given these people the power to control my life even though they were no longer a part of it. So, instead of me living my life and being joyful I resorted to anger, bitterness and blocking any and every possibility of living a fuller life as well as building a relationship with anyone. All these reasons not to just led to my bitterness. So, enough was enough!
On the 15th of this month, I was in-between emotions. For some reason, my heart felt so heavy and I was in so much despair because nothing seemed to be working out. I didn’t understand what was blocking my way or what it is that was missing in any of my job applications. I had consulted career coaches as well as others ahead of me because there came a time where I thought perhaps my résumé was not adequate enough. So, as per advice from the career coach I had consulted, I worked on my résumé and cover letter following the guidelines I had been provided with. However, I still wasn’t lucky and did not receive any interview for any of the positions I had applied for. The hardest blow came the days preceding the weekend of the 15th because the last of the interviews for one position I was looking forward to was done and I had not been invited for one. I had been so hopeful about it because for me it felt like a second chance especially since I had done voluntary work in my field of study the entire time last year and of course it had paid off well in terms of skill and experience enough to gain my license to practice. For that, I was grateful because God had been good to me and given me the opportunity as well as opened the door for me to attain this. However, starting off this year, all I asked from God was the provision and for His plan for my life to be manifested and seeing these vacancy posts being advertised at the beginning of the year, I honestly believed it was what God had set out for me. So, not being invited for any interview brought up so many emotions because I did not understand what I missed, well, in fact, I looked back over the past year because all the jobs I had applied for, I had not once been called for an interview, so all that just came raining down on me that fateful Saturday of the 15th and I just couldn’t deal.
I was overwhelmed with grave emotion and felt like God had forgotten me. I kept playing Kirk Franklin’s Love Theory song and pleading with God to help me see like Him no matter what I was going through and asked Him to help me understand that everything was working for my good in away. As I continued to listen to that song and pleading with God, He led me to Psalm 77, and this Psalm expressed my emotion in a way I couldn’t because it stated all that I was feeling that day (Psalm 77:7-10). As I continued to read on (verse 11-14), the Psalmist puts away the feelings of grief and pain and reminded me that, though I may have been feeling hopeless and forsaken at that time (verse 7-10), God had not forsaken me, He was still there. All I had to do was to continue meditating on all Gods works, for He had proven Himself a great God who had done it before in the old days and as such would do it FOR ME even now (verse 15-20)! Reading this scripture brought so much warmth in my heart and it served as a reminder that God was still God. Yes, I had not been called for an interview but that did not mean He had forgotten me or would not show me favour but it served as a reminder that just as He was there for His faithful servants in the old days, I should remain faithful to Him and trust that He would be doing the same for me. Although I meditated over multiple scriptures daily over this month, this Psalm is one which carried me through and has been carved in my heart that whenever I feel like I am losing it, I turn to that scripture. To top it all off, I turned on and danced to Kirk Franklin’s OK song which affirmed the fact that God had all my needs covered so I didn’t need to worry because I would be OK!
Through the wonderful grace of God, I was able to forgive this month and attain healing from Him as well. I was also able to receive grace for the renewal of my faith in Him and I received my breakthrough. Above all, I was reminded that the blessings which I thought I had to ask for on a daily basis, He had in fact given to me already, I just had to wait on Him in faith; praise and rejoice in His Name for He has done it and it was manifesting over my life!
My Top Ten Faith-Based Ruminations About My February Journey
- True forgiveness sets one free and provides healing. Forgiveness restores fellowship with God and is a key to one’s breakthrough.
- God provides everything that I need and because of that I should not worry but be grateful each day. (Matthew 6;25-34)
- Where God exists and is fully present, there is completeness and freedom.
- Trials are there to strengthen our faith (James 1:2-4) and we shall not be overcome because Jesus Christ overcame it all. (John 16:33)
- Being in Jesus Christ means that I can ask anything from God through His Name and I shall receive it.
- The spiritual aspect of my life is far more important because a woman in Christ is far more valuable and is phenomenal in the eyes of the Lord. (Proverbs 31)
- I am sheltered in God and no harm shall come my way. (Psalm 91; Luke 10:19)
- Stumbling happens, however, I should keep myself in check and live a life worthy of Christ. (James 3)
- I should be grateful to God for everything because that will give me a lot more to be grateful for.
- God made a covenant with me that He will always stand by my side and shall not put me to shame but will always protect me. (Isaiah 54)
February, I thank you for this chapter. Surely goodness and mercy shall follow us ALWAYS!
Grounded in Faith